Make up a tuning lie

[obi_waynne]

Lets just make up some tuning tips that "DA KIDS IN DE HOOD" will believe! You never know they might make it into the next chavs n tarts car mag!

1) Drill holes in your exhaust all the way along - it will give you another 100bhp.

2) Fill your tyres with concrete, the reduced flexing will improve grip and the extra weight in the tyre will improve traction. :blink:

Can anyone be more inventive than this?

 

[gendox]

buy a 50,000w battery and you sound system will be crunking haha only 9.99 at aldi

 

[gendox]

buy an electric super charger and it will work !

 

[TITAN]

lowering ur car by 90mm allows u to go over speed bumps without having to slow down

 

[gendox]

if it will even go there !!

 

[HDi fun]

OG and I had a few proposals in Cheap and Cheerful Mods thread. Whether your target audience will understand 'em is another matter.

 

[old-git]

How about:

Huge tail pipes make your c**k bigger.

 

[old-git]

OG and I had a few proposals in Cheap and Cheerful Mods thread. Whether your target audience will understand 'em is another matter.

Probably not, quite a few of the words have more than one syllable.

Also, they are not written in txtspeak, but in old fashioned ENGLISH!!!!!

God, I'm becoming a grumpy old man, but it is fun

 

[prevtec]

put vicks vapour rub on your induction kit,,it will make it breath better

ha ha ha ha,,sorry lads,im in stitches

 

[old-git]

put vicks vapour rub on your induction kit,,it will make it breath better

Hate to say it, but best so far

 

[HDi fun]

Perhaps ventolin (Salbutamol) injection would assist with respiratory problems as well.

 

[obi_waynne]

Using olive oil reduces internal engine friction and is better for the environment.

Spread oil on your tyres to make them last longer, the reduced friction will also mean you go faster.

(I can't beat prevtec though - that was funny! )

 

[dizz]

hair spray for nitros garrentee a bigger bang.

 

[adz253]

spray WD-40 on your breaks and they work better

 

[prevtec]

Using olive oil reduces internal engine friction and is better for the environment.

Spread oil on your tyres to make them last longer, the reduced friction will also mean you go faster.

(I can't beat prevtec though - that was funny! )

ah you can,,if you wrote that script about tescos,anything is possible with you
i was in stitches though,and how i came up with is was, i was puting some on my daughter when i was looking at the post
thanks for the compliment though

 

[prevtec]

spray WD-40 on your breaks and they work better

alright mate,hate to say this,,but ive heard of people doing this over here

 

[fingers]

Make your engine healthier and live longer by replacing your 0W30 oil with olive oil.

 

[old-git]

Increasing the size of your exhaust pipe will greatly improve power ( did anyone see 5th Gear recently with the modded Saxos? How about the 1.1 (or 1.4) engined Saxo with twin 6 inch exhausts? Must be awesomely quick!)
Aftermarket induction kits work as advertised.
Stretching narrow tyres over wide rims improves grip.
Fitting a big wing or spoiler on the rear of your car will improve handliing.
Heavy bass improves your sex appeal.
Covering car with stickers makes it look cool.
Carbon fibre vinyl is just as good as the real thing and no one can tell the difference.
Fake purge kits make you car faster and you more attractive to women.
Obsure and miss-spelled personalised number plates are worth every penny.

 

[Hayley1]

racing stripes do make your car go faster.

 

[pgarner]

.
Carbon fibre vinyl is just as good as the real thing and no one can tell the difference.

Not until it melts anyway

 

[Massive]

tinting all your windows is a good way to not scare off the ladies, plus it also hides your ugly mug!

 

[obi_waynne]

I never realised we had so many vivid imaginations Keep those suggestions coming guys n gals.

 

[HDi fun]

Drain the coolant and engine oil. This will improve power output enormously as oil and water are more viscous than air. You will also reap a weight benefit which will improve handling and performance.

 

[old-git]

Saxos are a good choice for modding

 

[steve09]

lol there are some good ones on here, im just waiting for a post saying 'i drained my engine oil out for extra power and my engine seized'

bit like the one on an american audi forum where someone tryed porting and polishing there engine and exsaust buy hooking up a 25 pound bag of blasting sand to there intake and thought it would come out of the exsaust.

 

[Shao]

smash your back window and open your sunroof, the intake of air rushing over your boot/spolier will help with drifting

 

[old-git]

Drain the coolant and engine oil. This will improve power output enormously as oil and water are more viscous than air. You will also reap a weight benefit which will improve handling and performance.

Especially good for Saxos

 

[enViSioN]

Put helium balloons in your back seat which will make the car lighter and thus have better handling.

 

[DETHTATS]

Put helium balloons in your back seat which will make the car lighter and thus have better handling.

-or better yet put helium in your tires!

"put vicks vapour rub on your induction kit,,it will make it breath better"

-or put petrolum jelly on the inside of your exhaust to make it exhale easier!:blink:

 

[steve09]

-or better yet put helium in your tires!

nissan put nitrogen in the GT-R's tires as its more stable than air (doesnt expand/contract or heat up as much or as easy)

think the hindenburg with the helium tires lmao
i CANNOT BELIEVE that they treated the outer of the ballon with an early thermite omg.

 

[HDi fun]

Fluffy diced haung carefully from the rear view mirror can assist lateral stability and reduce body roll. Due to their pendulum effect they create a slight torque in the opposite direction of that which the corner is exerting on the whole car. This principle was the one that led Honda to develop 4 wheel active steering for its road cars.

 

[obi_waynne]

I guess nodding dogs are best for drift cars then?

 

[obi_waynne]

Fill your exhaust with expanding foam to increase your back pressure and double your HP!

 

[Loz]

Smaller brakes make your car faster...

Replacing Slick50 with baby oil will improve gearbox wear by 30%.

Lo-cost body drop: Remove 20psi from your tyres will equal a 25mm drop, the resulting lowered tyre pressures will also increase road holding.

Reclining your seat as far as possible will provide the optimum position for reacting to sudden changes in direction.

When choosing alloy wheels ensure the tyres protrude from the wings by at least 10mm to ensure accurate tracking.

Indicators will rob your engine of 25% of it's power so only use them at shows.

Your Mum wants her car. She has to pick up Dad from the station, but you can use Auntie Sarahs tonight luv :blink:

 

[HDi fun]

Reclining the seat is also very useful in terms of lowering the centre of mass, thereby offering improved handling dynamics. A carefully positioned mirror is invaluable in assisting your foward view. If the driver's side visor has one that will suffice.

 

[Loz]

^^ Hur hur! :bigsmile:

 

[lyndsey]

weight reducing idea guaranteed to improve BHP by 15% only 2quid a bottle from the chemist....remove your radiator and hoses and add 10mls of cal-pol twice a day to your oil it will reduce engine temperature :blink1:

 

[Pixel]

Increase MPG & Decrease Fuel Costs!

Fill your tank with 40% petrol, 15% diesel and 45% water. The combination of all 3 liquids causes a chemical reaction resulting in a fuel that burns very slowly yet produces a lot of power at the same time! This is similar to the technology they use in RAF Jet Engines. Do not use with RedEx.

Super Boost

Accelerate your vehicle to approxamtely 87 mph, drop the gearbox into 1st and brake sharply! Your car will stop so suddenly that you will enter a time warp shooting you 18.53 miles down the road! Use on motoways only.

Improved Grip

Replace the wheels on your car with those from a skateboard. The new wheel size is a lot smaller resulting in more rotations per minute and therefore more speed! When implemented, your car will then successfully run on a childs laughter, similar to what seen in the film: Monsters Inc.

Banana Bomb!

Unknown to the average human mind, cars do need food and do get very hungry, especially after a long journey! By shoving a banana up the cars exhaust, it will provide the car with the nutrition and energy it requires to hover 60 feet in the air and travel in any direction at the speed of sound.

 

[HDi fun]

Read the plasma circuit thread

 

[obi_waynne]

Weld you diff using liquid metal! (Actually been done according to DriveFromTheRear )

Put superglue on your tyres for better grip!