Car Modifications We Could All Do Without

[HDi fun]

I'll credit these first few to Chris Longhurst, who published the original Speed Trap Bible website back in 1996.

1. BMW 3 series: Optional brain container fitted in place of the more usual glovebox.

2. Ford Mondeo, Vauxhall Cavalier: Additional drivers manual entitled 'How Not To Change Lanes Until Five Yards Before Your Designated Motorway Exit.'

3. Volvo (any): Cruise Control Optionally Calibrated in feet between 1 and 10 to denote distance from the car in front.

4. In addition (to 3 above); Specially painted front bumper to resist exhuast stains from car in front.

5. Nissan Micra: Special interlocking device that requires brake pedal to be depressed before steering wheel can be turned.

6. Any: Special light amplifying front windscreen so that shades may be worn regardless of lighting and weather conditions.

7. Daily Rental Fleets: Floorpan operates as a surrogate ashtray

8. Daily Rental Fleets: Special engine reinforcement allowing the car to travel at higher speeds in all gears, especially reverse.

9. Citroen/Peugeot diesels: Additional fuel injectors in exhaust system for enhanced smoke production

Any more....?

 

[pgarner]

:blink:

 

[herb]

5. Nissan Micra: Special interlocking device that requires brake pedal to be depressed before steering wheel can be turned.

sorry have to correct you on this 1 as the mrs has a micra the brake pedal has to be pressed to turn the ignition not the steering wheel

 

[HDi fun]

Herb: "sorry have to correct you on this 1 as the mrs has a micra the brake pedal has to be pressed to turn the ignition not the steering wheel"

I know that the current Micra has that system, and it's a good idea. (Especially for berks like me who start the car before getting into the driving seat if I have to go round and clear windows first etc!) One day I'll make a mistake and it'll be off down the road all on its own.

I happen to like the current Micra for lots of reasons; the handling and braking are both superb and the dCi 80 is a spectacular drive for the money. A modest remap could turn it into something really special.

I'm referring to the older model (pre 2003) and the general perception (not necessarily that held by myself) of the driver profile for that model.

This is meant to be a tongue in cheek thread, really. In no way am I poking fun at anybody or any particular vehicle or model. Neither is it representative of my own opinions.

As such I do apologise if I've caused any offence whatsoever and hope that this post re-assures you that I have no issue whatsoever with Nissan Micras, past or present, and the drivers thereof.

Cheers,

Kind regards,

Paul Anderson.

 

[HDi fun]

In fact, here's another.....

Diesels (all): No cost factory option to delete rear view mirror.

Rationale:

1. Nothing will ever be behind you anyway.

2. If something was behind you you'd not be able to see it through the clouds of acrid black soot.

Guess what I'm driving?



Rgds,

P.

 

[herb]

Herb: "sorry have to correct you on this 1 as the mrs has a micra the brake pedal has to be pressed to turn the ignition not the steering wheel"

I know that the current Micra has that system, and it's a good idea. (Especially for berks like me who start the car before getting into the driving seat if I have to go round and clear windows first etc!) One day I'll make a mistake and it'll be off down the road all on its own.

I happen to like the current Micra for lots of reasons; the handling and braking are both superb and the dCi 80 is a spectacular drive for the money. A modest remap could turn it into something really special.

I'm referring to the older model (pre 2003) and the general perception (not necessarily that held by myself) of the driver profile for that model.

This is meant to be a tongue in cheek thread, really. In no way am I poking fun at anybody or any particular vehicle or model. Neither is it representative of my own opinions.

As such I do apologise if I've caused any offence whatsoever and hope that this post re-assures you that I have no issue whatsoever with Nissan Micras, past or present, and the drivers thereof.

Cheers,

Kind regards,

Paul Anderson.

hi paul no offence was taken at all mate i could tell it was a bit of laugh type thread i even posted a :toung: at the end but then deleted it as i didnt know how you would take it (some people on forums are funny #!#!#!#!ers) but from your response back i think in futre i will be able to have a bit of banter with you so no worrys mate and dont forget we are all intiteled to an opinion :bigsmile:

 

[HDi fun]

totally agree. Thanks for the response mate.

I never forget anyone's entitled to an opinion. Even if I disagree vehemently with your opinion I will defend your right to hold it to the bitter end.

No worries at all, and no offence taken whatsoever, I just wanted to ensure that I hadn't offended you or anyone else since that truly was never my intention.

It really is a bit of a silly thread, I know, and I was careful to accredit Chris Longhurst for some of his, err, comments.

This kind of banter is healthy, and I'm totally up for it, livens up a dull wet dark evening, day, (year??? - given the weather??)

Take care

Rgds,

P.

 

[herb]

thanks again for you sincerity

anyway enough spamming back to your thread

Car Modifications We Could All Do Without
front foglights cant see the point
head lamp washers i had them on my gsi and used them once in the year i owned the car
hids i would only ever buy some to p!ss off other drivers a normal headlight beam is quite sufficent

 

[HDi fun]

Agreed - front fogs are pointless - if it's so bad that you really can't see the edge of the road 2 feet in front of the car then it's probably quicker to walk. Or stay home. Got 'em, don't use 'em at all. never have over the last 20 years either.

Hids, yes, if factory fitted as standard then you have to take em. They are bright, whether you can see better is questionable. They emit light comprised of line spectra rather than the continuous spectrum that incandescent filament bulbs provide. This is a very subjective issue. Visual perception is often no better than that when driving with 'normal' headlights. After market fitment is probably unlikely to meet eith EU law and vehicle construction and usage regs. But if the kits sold in the UK aren't subject to Eu legislation then it's hard to see how they could be deemed unlawful.

A well aligned incandescent headlight, fitted with a good quality lamp works very well.

Further, all HID systems require the car to have automatic beam levelling and the washer systems you mention.

I sit on the fence with HIDs and the law surrounding them. Seems that no precedent has yet been set in the UK for aftermarket kits. I shan't be fitting 'em to my car because the standard lights are OK really, especially with a pair of upgrade H7's. Not the blue ones, plain clear ones that emit white light in a controlled way

 

[madman]

i thought fog lights were there so you could see the trees or pavements better!!!

 

[obi_waynne]

Central arm rests are pointless and only impede your ability to reach the gearstick.

Audis new auto park system! (Are new Audi drivers really that bad at parking!)
Audis anti roll back on a hill system. (Clutch control and hill starts are a basic feature of the driving test!)

(I'm sure its not just Audi that do these but as an Audi driver it is what I have noticed!)

 

[pgarner]

no problems reaching the gearstick with the armrest down but cant get at the handbrake.
does the auto park not require a space about twice the length of the car

 

[obi_waynne]

My gearstick seems quite low and the armrest is quite high and long and just interferes with the angle I use.

Yes it needs a massive space! It is one of the most pointless things I have read about in ages!

 

[HDi fun]

I find the armrests in my car obstruct the gearstick. Presumably the solution is to have automatic transmission.

 

[obi_waynne]

Or just stick it in third - AKA flexigear!